From Reuters 17 January 2012 (source).

Submitted anonymously.

From The Pennsylvania Gazette January/February 2012 Issue (source).

Submitted by Gloria Hamilton who comments:

(Pointed out to me by Aaron M. Fine, a fellow alum.)

From NPR 6 January 2012 (source).

Submitted by Chak Olate who comments:

If the fruit can already levitate and fly, it’s no wonder they want to learn about space travel.

From the BBC 1 January 2012 (source).

The headline has since been changed.

Submitted by Peter LeFanu Lumsdaine who comments:

“Prompt emergency promptly defends itself”?

From MailOnline 20 December 2011 (source).

Submitted by Stevie Godson who comments:

That must have been a difficult birth…

From ABC News 17 December 2011 (source).

Submitted by Paul Lagasse who comments:

Wouldn’t a gun have been quicker?

From the BBC 15 December 2011.

Screen shot:

Submitted by Peter LeFanu Lumsdaine who comments:

I imagine the rest: Man says “Yes, a friend suggested it for my headaches; to think, it was available all these years and I never knew!”

From Reuters 17 December 2011 (source).

Submitted by Patrick Martin who comments:

As typhoons go, it was unruly and willful. Nobody will mourn its demise.

From The New York Times 14 December 2011 (source).

The headline has since changed.

Submitted by Daniel Barkalow who comments:

We hear lots of stories about gunmen killed after rampages, but this order is quite unusual.

From Chronicle of Philanthropy 7 December 2011 (source: page

Submitted by Paul Lagasse who comments:

I guess if he’s well-fed, he’s more likely to give to charity.